As estate planning attorneys, we spend a great deal of time reminding people of the importance of creating a will or trust to pass down their assets and heirlooms to loved ones. But there are some treasures that are intangible and do not carry a price tag: your hard-earned wisdom and deepest values.
Think about someone you have loved and lost: a parent or grandparent, or perhaps an aunt, uncle, or even an older sibling. What do you cherish from them? If they left you financial assets, you are certainly grateful for those, but chances are that what you value most is the memory of time you spent together and the lessons you learned from them.
That’s true for many people. In recent years, more and more people have been intentional about passing down what matters most to their loved ones through the use of an ethical will. Just what is an ethical will, and how can you create one?
What is an Ethical Will?
An ethical will is a document that you create to share what matters most to you: your personal values, special memories, and wisdom and guidance for your loved ones. Although ethical wills are growing in popularity, they are far from a new development; they have their roots in millennia of Jewish culture, and similar documents exist in Islamic and Christian religious traditions as well.
Although ethical wills may have their origins in ancient religions, they are not necessarily religious documents, nor are they legally binding in any way. They are simply a way not to leave to chance what your loved ones remember about you. You may think that your children or grandchildren know what matters most to you, but they know you through the filter of their own experience. An ethical will is a way to communicate your values directly, in a way your loved ones can read and pass down to future generations.
Once again, think about a close family member who has passed away. What questions would you ask them if you had the chance—perhaps questions you didn’t think to ask while they were still alive? What would you give to have a letter, especially one in their own handwriting, that allowed you to know them on a deeper level? That’s what an ethical will can do for your own loved ones.
Creating an Ethical Will
Because an ethical will is not a legal document, there is no particular form you have to use for it to be valid. The important thing is that it conveys the ideas that matter to you to the people who matter to you. Those ideas might include:
- The values you have tried to live by (and where you learned them)
- Your most cherished memories
- The history of your own family
- Important lessons you have learned throughout your life
- Family, cultural, or religious traditions that mean a great deal to you and that you hope your loved ones will continue
- Reflections on your role models and what they taught you
- Challenges you faced and how you overcame them
- Advice for your children or grandchildren
- Hopes for your family, including those yet to be born
- What you love about your family members and what makes you proud of them
- Apologies you want to make but have been unable to say out loud or face-to-face
- Special recipes, especially those from family celebrations
There are no rules. If it’s something you want your family to know, and something they would benefit from knowing, you should put it in your ethical will. But because the possibilities are so wide open, you might not know where to start. The important thing is just to make the first step.
Tips for Creating an Ethical Will
Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
You may want to craft the perfect document, one that is worth framing and passing down from generation to generation. That’s nice, but perfection is a high standard, and might keep you from getting started (or getting very far, as you crumple up draft after draft because it doesn’t meet your standards.
When it comes down to it, your loved ones would probably prefer a scribbled page of notes about what matters to you to having nothing. So start jotting down your notes, and revisit and refine them over time.
Be creative with format.
Unlike a last will and testament, which must be in a particular format and follow certain legal requirements, you can get creative with an ethical will. It doesn’t even need to be on a sheet of paper; you could, for instance, make a scrapbook or create a journal. Just be mindful of not using a format that could become obsolete before your children or grandchildren get to see it (Betamax tapes, anyone?).
If you create your ethical will as a file on your computer, print it out every time you update it, so that there’s a physical copy; keep it with the rest of your estate plan.. But do consider handwriting your ethical will, if you have the penmanship and the physical ability. Your loved ones will cherish the sight of your handwriting; it’s more personal than something printed out.
Get started today.
It may be decades before your passing, but as with a legal estate plan, there’s no advantage to putting off making an ethical will. You’ll have greater peace of mind knowing you shared what’s on your mind, and your loved ones will have a priceless treasure to comfort them when you’re gone.
Get Help With Your Estate Plan
You can make an ethical will on your own, but you shouldn’t DIY the rest of your estate plan. The knowledgeable estate planning attorneys at Barron, Rosenberg, Mayoras & Mayoras work with clients who need to make or update an estate plan, including providing guidance for an ethical will if you wish. Schedule a consultation today by calling (248) 213-9514 in Michigan or (941) 222-2199 in Florida to learn how we can assist you. You can also use our simple online contact form.